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Monday, September 22, 2008

She wept...

As a parent, I can assure you that there are few things worse than knowing your child's heart is breaking and that you can do nothing to take away the inevitable pain.

Last night my daughter wept and I held her. I listened and allowed my heart to break also in an effort to shoulder some of her burden. And inwardly, I wept, too.

She asked so many poignant questions...I could offer no answers...only promise that we will get through this together with the strength given to each of us from God Almighty Himself.

I have prayed for my children since I was only ten years old. There were things I did not want them to have to suffer...things that had been horrible for me. I always knew I would be a mother...it was just a matter of when.

In my own self-discovery, I once read a in the book, My Mother, Myself that mothers will often distance themselves from their daughters in an effort to shield themselves from reliving the horrors of their own childhoods. That line put my own mother and my childhood into perspective immediately. It also changed me forever. I chose to be emotionally available to my children. For the most part, I have done so and done well.

I do, however, understand how a mother could be driven to detach from her children...a mother who has not yet healed the gaping wounds left in her soul by the ravages of her own childhood. It is not easy to share the weight of another's burden, but God in His infinate grace and mercy has prepared me for such a time as this.

I have often said that each decision we make causes ripples and affects those around us. The difference in our making a good decision...not a wrong or right one...is our intent. A decision one makes in an effort to better one's own life is a good decision provided that is the true intent. The decision causes change to our loved ones and change is often not an easy thing to do. It causes pain. And pain, well, it hurts.

Even though my heart wants to tuck my baby girl into a blankie and carry her, my head knows this is a part of her journey that she must complete. I also know that I will be there right beside her, along with Our Heavenly Father, to do in the physical realm what He would have me do. I will hold her when she collapses, steady her when she is weak, listen when she needs to talk, and soothe her when she feels she is drowning. Above all, I will laugh when she laughs and weep when she weeps.

I am Momma...hear me roar.

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8 comments:

Laurie Keller said...

A touching post ... I would soooo like to email you and ask a question but I was unable to locate your email address on your site. I have been unable to get on the Pioneer Woman's website for quite a while. I located her on Twitter and saw that you were a follower so here I am, looking for PW and having a deep appreciation for your words this morning. Thanks and love from the Prairie.

Betty said...

I don't know quite what to say to your post, Phyl, especially since I have never been a Mom. However, I am sure I can relate to your hurting heart for your child as I know how I always feel when my favorite grandson is hurting.

Praying that things will be okay for you and your daughter.

Love and Prayers,
Betty

Stampedbyanangel@aol.com said...

What a heartfelt post, I have 3 children my youngest girl is 10. Thank you for the reflection and blessings to you....mother.

luvmy4sons said...

Been going through some hard stuff with my teen son myself. Being a mother sure isn't an easy task. It is nice to see your mother's love and read your heart felt reflections.

Quilter In Paradise said...

How truthful your post is. "MOM" usually stands for MADE OF METAL cause of all the things we have to shoulder - our children's angst being at the top of the list.

My heart hurts for your daughter and for you.

He will lead you both thru this.

Beth

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