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Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Today I am grateful for...



The word for today, boys and girls, is self-disclosure. Amazingly this word just came to me as I was contemplating the first of today's blog entries. I found this site which had this to say about it:

Self-disclosure is not simply providing information to another person. Instead, scholars define self-disclosure as sharing information with others that they would not normally know or discover. Self-disclosure involves risk and vulnerability on the part of the person sharing the information.

I am quite satisfied with their definition:). The site also discusses the functions and risks involved in participating in self-disclosure. Feel free to click the link and read it all.

For me self-disclosure is therapy...wonderfully healing therapy. In my life there are many things that one would not simply know were I not to tell them. Still waters do, in fact, run quite deeply. I have been fortunate that, for the most part, the people that I have chosen to share the hidden parts of myself have been loving, accepting, and kind. I have also been fortunate in possessing the wisdom that allows me to eliminate friendships that do not affect me positively. Not all relationships are worth the work involved to hurdle rifts...some are more than worth it.

The Internet allows anonymity that, if not abused, provides a safety net for those who need to unburden and do not wish to risk scrutiny and possible rejection by their immediate peers. The Internet also offers a chance for us to make friends with people we would have never met otherwise. Today I am grateful for my IRL friends and my Internet friends.

I have one person in my life that has allowed me my faults, scars, gaping wounds, and all to totally be me. Just raw, bare-souled, and sometimes ugly me. I often wonder about the 'rightness' of this self-disclosure as this person is also my oldest child. God has given us both the amazing gift of seeing past obnoxious even inappropriate behaviors to the true root of an issue. We share our deepest parts: joys, fears, thoughts, emotions(yes, even hurt and anger), past choices, current dilemmas, and sometimes we just share the silence. There is an easy ebb and flow to our relationship that is comforting. Today I am grateful for my daughter and dear friend.

Due to choices I have made she found it necessary to become uber responsible at an early age. I suffered too many moments of regret in this area, so I first asked God to forgive me, forgave myself, and then sought her forgiveness. She loves me. I love her. It seems to work for us. When I discuss the possibility that this all could be damaging to her in the sence that she also has to help me physically when I am unable to do things for myself, she simply says, "Momma, it is just the way it is; period." Well, okay then. Today I am grateful for her heart condition and her attitude.

We disagree, we challenge one another, and when necessary we even fuss at each other. She never hesitates to spit my own words of wisdom back at me, and yes, I do think she enjoys it! We dream of moving to Williams, AZ, where she will have a cafe' and we even dabble with the idea that I will sell quilts from there. Obviously there will be coffee....lots and lots of coffee and I will be the one keeping them wonderful urns full. Lucky for her profit margin I prefer a few drops of coffee in my cream:). During the truly wonderfully optimistic moments we talk of having a villa in Tuscany. Just the words feel comforting to my soul. Dreaming is good...the Bible even says, "My people perish for lack of vision." Dreaming keeps me from being locked deep in the throes of dispair and helplessness that clutch at the very core of my being. Today I am grateful for dreams.



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2 comments:

Cute Girl aka Allie said...

momma,

you've put tears in my eyes as well as a few giggles in my soul. reading this was amazing. i know you don't always want to burden me but seriously without the availablity of our honest rapport and constant exchanges of ideas, there would be no way for me to be the woman i am today. i feel honored in the fact that we can call one another friends. especially when i look at the relationships that my friends have with their parents. williamsburg is indeed a vision that will come true and if all possible that villa will be yours in enough time for you to enjoy growing into an old lady in it. without you i would be no-one. a broken piece of a person who could not love and accept a sometimes cruel world. caring for you makes me feel like i can offer something on days i would otherwise hide under a rock. i too am greatful for my online and irl friends but i am most thankful for you. the one who has made me get up and shower & shave on days when honestly i wouldn't even get out of bed. the one who has shown me how to love and how to forgive. the one who has made me strong and encouraged my independent nature that so many people seem to want to squash. the one who lets me know i am someone to be proud of and am worthy of good things even when i have been too blind to see these things myself. I believe god gave me you as much as he gave you me in order to have these things in our otherwise hectic and upsetting lives and i consider you a blessing even when we want to skin each other alive. I love you momma. You're my best friend and for that I am truly thankful. enjoy my comp while i'm gone today. I'll miss you. Alana

Joyce said...

Hello, What joy when a Mom can have a friend of a child who takes Her Mom for who she is. My oldest daughter is just like that. She can tell me I am doing wrong and do it so lovingly. Good luck with your move and have a safe time doing it

Love and Hugs,
Joyce from Creation In Progress