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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Quiet Reflections

Why I do memes and such~

I have been doing a lot of soul searching...trying to find out why my inner being is so off-kilter, why I am so miserable, and how to begin laughing again. Laughter is my favorite sound!

A tool that is proving useful is memes...those questions that are posted on the net that you copy and pasted into your own html, change the answers to your own, and then publish. Oftentimes in my depression, I have a hard time articulating just what the hell is going on in my deepest parts. Talking to others, prayer, and quiet time are invaluable in the search. Surprisingly enough, so are memes. They give me a guided path to follow, cause me to contemplate, and ultimately help me find some piece of the missing puzzle. I also do a lot of those "tests" your favorite color says about you, etc. Obviously, some of them are just for the sheer fun of it-u know... simple minds, simple pleasures...but more often than not there is something that clicks inside of me and gives me one of those "Aha~" moments that I hold so dear.

One such aha came this way lately: Some place one of the answers stated: You need quiet time. That may be the understatement of the I soak up moods and feelings from who ever is around. Since I am "the statue of liberty...give me your tired, your poor, your hurting masses" in my heart, I am exposed to many hurting people on a constant and consistent basis. I love to minister to folks, share my God-given wisdom, and give God's love and acceptance to hurting people. It is mandatory for my survival and ability to continue to function in this ministry that I get time to unwind and be restored.

Unfortunately, this taking on of others' pain that I do makes it very dangerous for me to spend long periods of time with truly negative people. In a perfect world, my partner for this world would be one of the safe places that I retreat to in order to gain some restoration. I do not have this luxury.

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