Scientific Study Reveals Hypnotizing Effect

by: Kathy Harris, Tuscon

A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that
actually hypnotize women (& men ) and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts.

When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the
fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one
squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food), therefore
perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind
being cut up into pieces and mixed with others. Sound tests have also revealed
that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few of
breed of women ( & men) known as 'Quilters'.

When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants 'buy me, cut me,
sew me!" In order to overcome the so-called 'feeding frenzy effect' that these
fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and
use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however,
at the sight of customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and
headphones!) .

Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to
spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. They are
called FABRIC STORE CLERKS. It's also been my experience that these same
Pheromones cause a pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when
taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by a
significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it for a while".